Running Your Own Race: The Hidden Cost of Comparison
“Don’t look at them—keep your eyes on your own lane.”
That’s what I found myself whispering at my child’s recent sports day, watching the race unfold. And just like that, it hit me: comparison is more than just unhelpful—it can be a roadblock to growth, motivation, and wellbeing.
Some of the children couldn’t resist turning their heads mid-race to check who was gaining ground. And each time they did, they slowed down. They lost momentum. Their focus shifted from their own finish line to someone else’s progress—and it cost them.
It was a powerful, real-life metaphor for what so many of us do in our adult lives.
The Psychology of Comparison
The struggle to stay in our own lane is more than a personal quirk, it’s a deeply human trait. Social Comparison Theory, introduced by Leon Festinger in 1954, explains that we evaluate ourselves by comparing to others, especially in situations where objective benchmarks are absent. While this can sometimes motivate us, it often has the opposite effect: leading to discouragement, distraction, and loss of direction.
In the age of social media, comparison is relentless. But when we measure ourselves against someone else’s timeline, highlight reel, or success story, we risk turning our attention outward in ways that disconnect us from what we truly value.
A Reflection on Dyslexia & Neurodivergence
If, like me, you live with a neurodivergence such as dyslexia, you may already be acutely familiar with this kind of disconnect. You might find that tasks which seem to come easily to others take more time, more effort, more energy. That gap, real or perceived, can be deeply discouraging.
It’s easy to internalize the idea that we’re “behind” or “not good enough.” But here’s the truth: we’re not behind, we’re on a different route. Running your own race means recognising your unique strengths and leaning into them, rather than measuring your progress by someone else’s map.
Neurodivergence can come with real challenges, yes, but also with creativity, resilience, and perspective that’s often overlooked. Staying in your lane doesn’t mean ignoring the hard stuff, it means owning it, and still showing up.
Self-Determination: The Power of Internal Motivation
Self-Determination Theory (SDT), developed by Deci and Ryan (1985), suggests that true motivation and wellbeing are driven by internal values, such as autonomy, competence, and relatedness. When we chase goals because they align with who we are, we thrive. When we chase them to “keep up,” we burn out.
In short: You’re not racing them. You’re running toward something.
And that changes everything.
What Running Your Own Race Looks Like
- Focus on your finish line. Just like the children who kept their eyes forward, the adults who thrive are often those who stay aligned with their own goals, not someone else’s.
- Notice when comparison creeps in. Is it motivating or discouraging? If it’s the latter, gently guide your attention back to your path.
- Ground yourself in values. Ask: Why am I doing this? Does this goal reflect who I am, or who I think I should be?
- Celebrate small wins. Progress isn’t always linear or flashy. It’s personal, and it’s powerful.
A Note from the Track
That sports day race reminded me of something essential: wellbeing doesn’t come from winning, it comes from running your race with intention and heart. The joy is not just in arriving, but in knowing you stayed true to yourself on the way.
References:
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Springer US.