Why We Struggle, and How to Begin: Moving Towards What Matters

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We often say we want to live with more meaning and purpose: closer to friends, deeper in faith, more aligned with what truly matters. But there’s a quiet truth beneath the surface: desire is not the same as direction.

We can deeply want something, like connection, meaning, growth, and still find ourselves far from it. So the question becomes: What are we moving towards? 

Are You Moving in the Direction of What Matters to You?

Take a moment and reflect:

  • If your goal is to build closer relationships, are you making the calls?
  • If you want to grow in your faith, have you sought out a community?
  • If you long for peace, are you creating space for rest, reflection, or healing?

So often, we position ourselves near convenience, not conviction. We move toward what’s familiar, not necessarily what fulfils us. This isn’t always a conscious choice, it’s often a response to fear, fatigue, or self-doubt.

What Gets in the Way?

Psychologically, humans tend to avoid discomfort, even at the expense of long-term wellbeing. This is known as experiential avoidance, the tendency to dodge thoughts, feelings, or experiences that we perceive as painful or risky.

In a foundational study, Hayes, Wilson, Gifford, Follette, and Strosahl (1996) linked experiential avoidance to a wide range of psychological difficulties, including anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from our values.

Rather than moving towards what sets our hearts on fire, we often find ourselves stuck in the struggle to avoid negative emotions.

We say things like:

  • “They probably don’t want to hear from me.”
  • “I wouldn’t fit in there.”
  • “I’ll try once I feel more confident.”

These thoughts can feel protective, but in the long run, they keep us parked in a life that doesn't reflect our deepest desires.

The Power of Moving Anyway

According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), one of the most evidence-based approaches to psychological wellbeing, the key to resilience is learning to act in alignment with our values—even when uncomfortable thoughts and feelings arise.

When you begin to walk—even stumble—towards what matters, something powerful begins to unfold:

  • You grow in courage, not just comfort.
  • You create momentum that invites change.
  • You discover that feeling ready often comes after taking the first step—not before.

Start Here

When you feel far from what matters, try this gentle reflection:

  1. What do I care about?
    Connection? Faith? Creativity? Healing?
  2. What small step could move me closer today?
    A message. A visit. A prayer. A plan.
  3. What thought is telling me not to do it?
    Acknowledge it. Thank it. Move anyway.

Final Thought

There’s always a reason to wait until you feel better, to wait until life slows down, to wait until you’re ‘enough’.  But most of those reasons are simply fear in disguise.

So ask yourself:

  • What sets your heart on fire?
    And are you positioning yourself close to the fire?

You might feel awkward. You might feel unsure.  But you might also feel something else...
Closer. Aligned. Alive.

By Dr Georgina Taylor-Adriaansen

 

Reference 

Hayes, S. C., Wilson, K. G., Gifford, E. V., Follette, V. M., & Strosahl, K. (1996). Experiential avoidance and behavioural disorders: A functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6), 1152–1168. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.64.6.1152